I have another amazing guest writer today!
Check her out at thatonehonestmom.wordpress.com ?
Infertility After Baby #1…
“I’m sorry Mrs. Gregory, the chances of you and your husband conceiving naturally are slim to none. Please give our office a call on day #2 of your next period and we can start the next step in the fertility process.” (click)
Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on. I’m sorry? Did I just hear that correctly? My chances of having another little one are slim to none? At least naturally? What?!
Let me back up a little bit here. I was diagnosed with PCOS around 2009. When I was diagnosed, I was told my chances of conceiving naturally were very small. At this point in time, my husband and I had just started dating and everything was still “new”. This information was scary. My husband knew from the start having children may be a tough road but he was fine with it. Fast forward to the end of 2013. My husband and I got married in April 2013. By November, we decided we should probably start the baby making adventure if it was going to take us awhile. We were expecting years of trying, different procedures and possibly IVF. Much to our surprise, 3 months after decided to stop taking the birth control pill, I was pregnant. I was in shock! The specialist I was seeing was surprised. We were all surprised! After an eventful pregnancy, we were blessed with a little miracle baby, whom we named “Easton” on November 6th, 2014.
The first few weeks with Easton were a blur. I remember a lot of crying (and when I say crying, I mean, I was crying!), little to no sleep and a lot of emotions. The first few months were very hard on us. Easton developed colic and I developed post-partum depression/anxiety. I never wanted to harm my baby or myself, but I was just so tired and exhausted and I didn’t like the way I looked, I felt like my life was so different and I felt alone. Well… We got through it. The colic and depression subsided and things started falling into place. The 3 of us (my husband, myself and Easton) fell into a routine and everything was awesome!
My husband and I decided around September 2015 we wanted to try for another baby. As much as going through pregnancy, delivery and post-partum scared the sh&* out of me, I wanted to do it again because I wanted Easton to grow up with a sibling. We figured we got pregnant pretty quickly the first time around, so obviously the doctors didn’t know what they were talking about. We figured the second time around would be just as fast.
And here we are. 10 months later. Nothing. So I finally called the specialist about 2 months ago. I went in to talk to him and he immediately wanted to do an HSG (hysterosalpingogram). I have a lot of friends who have battled infertility and I had heard horror stories about this procedure. BAD horror stories. So when he said that, I was like… Whoa. Um… okay. In my mind, I was thinking I would go consult with the doctor, he would prescribe some Chlomid or something and I would be on my way. Nope. Guess not.
I was scheduled for the HSG 4 days later, it just happened to be at the most optimal time in my “cycle”. I had so much built up anxiety, it was crazy. The test went fine, with quite a bit of discomfort and to everyone’s surprise, everything looked fine! There were no blockages and everything was normal (despite a small complication near the end of the procedure when I felt like I was dying, but that’s a complete other story for another day).
A few more tests for myself and my husband… and the results were in. Due to some circumstances, our doctor said our only hope would be to go forth with fertility treatments, the first of which would be artificial insemination. When I heard all of this, I lost it. I cried. I didn’t want to have to do any of this. I just wanted Easton to have a sibling. I wanted it to come easy. I didn’t want to have to take fertility medications that would change my hormones, make me gain weight, etc. I didn’t want to have to miss so much work because of the doctor’s appointments. I didn’t want to have a super increased risk of multiples. I didn’t want this answer.
Since we received that answer, my husband and I have done a lot of talking. Thinking. Contemplating. We are so blessed to have one, perfect, amazing little boy.
We know this. I go through so many emotions all of the time dealing with this. Do we go forward with this? Do we not? Do we just wait and see? Would it really be that bad for Easton to be an only child? Am I selfish for wanting another? Is it bad that I am scared to do this because I don’t want multiples? Am I selfish for complaining about only having one perfect child when there are so many others who can’t even have a child? If God wanted me to have another child then wouldn’t I be able to get pregnant naturally? But on the other hand, God made fertility doctors to help in situations like this. Holy cow. There were so many questions. There still are. We haven’t made any decisions. We haven’t taken the next step. Right now, we bask in the company of Easton, he’s our world. I would do anything for that kid. I love him more than he will ever know. So for right now, that’s it. That’s all I know. I don’t know if we will take the next step. I don’t know what our future holds. What I do know, is that we have to be thankful for what we have in front of us. We need to slow down, stop with all the technology and be thankful. Enjoy life. So for right now… we will keep putting that decision off. We never know what the future will hold for us.